Brittni's new hair and
her as a baby

It is midnight and I can't sleep even though I am beyond exhausted. I spent the last 3 hours looking for a job that would be perfect for a stay at home mom. Hmmm.... Not that taking care of the little girls and keeping up with my 13 year old and running him to all his activities won't keep me busy. I know myself and I always push myself to the extremes, burning both ends of the candle if you will. I love my life like that. I need the mental stimulation. We also need the income.

I thought perhaps we might have to get a new vehicle, I was hoping that the car seats would fit in the back of my 1997 explorer. Wrong!!!! Not even close. Nor do they fit in the back of Joe's truck. Hopefully they won't all come home at the same time or were in trouble. (Kidding we will borrow a vehicle.) We lost my income and now have three more additions that have about $1000. a month cost for formula and diapers. I am not sure we should be buying a new vehicle. Hence the search for a job.(please don't email me saying I shouldn't complain. I am not. I am just rambling about my thoughts because it is late and this is what I do when I can't sleep. I figure out the problems of the world according to Kim :) !)

Here are the jobs I found out there: envelope stuffers..., telemarketing, dog walkers, babysitter, medical billing, coupon finder... what is this?, it gets worse,... I can pay this company to train me to have the skills to find a job from home. REALLY????? Seriously does anyone fall for this?

I was contacted by a magazine that would like to know if I want to write a monthly column. They are reputable and it is intriguing. Do I have anything to say that people would be interested in? I do have lots of opinions, ask my husband!!!!

I fed Gabriella a bottle today. Today didn't go as smooth as yesterday but she did get half down before she decided to forget how to suck and breathe. Practice makes perfect!!! We will try again tomorrow.

Ellie took a bottle. They tried yesterday and she didn't get it at all . Today for mommy she took the entire bottle without choking, she didn't spit up, and she breathed. Funny how proud that accomplishment makes me. Thank you Denise our other favorite nurse for encouraging us!

Carmina will also try tomorrow and Daddy gets to feed Ellie tomorrow.

Oh and Gabriella has decided that she likes to suck her thumb. I took it out several times and she put it back in. So cute. I hope she does it again for Joe.

I forgot my camera today of course, so tomorrow we will get pictures that may get labeled as first bottle by "mistake".

Brittni got her hair cut and colored. I told her she looks more like me now. I hope she doesn't run out first thing and change it! It is adorable and trendy. She also is getting great grades. I expected nothing less from her. She is excited about taking her accounting classes soon. How and when did she become so mature? I look at the little girls and I see her especially in Ellie. She was such an easy baby. Always happy.

Its' 1am and I doubt sincerely I will figure out the worlds problems tonight so I am off to bed.

Question for the other multiple moms. I didn't buy swings yet do I need to buy one or one for each baby? I hate to spend the money on three swings and not use them. Any opinions would be appreciated.

I have news that made me want to call everyone in my contact list to brag, brought me to tears and I haven't stopped giggling since receiving the news. Karla one of the girls favorite nurses called me today to tell me....
Our Gabriella took her first bottle today all of it and remembered to breathe!!!!!! I really feel like dancing!!! In fact I may. Tomorrow I am going to feed her a bottle and I can't wait.
Today was a great day all around. Mom got released from the hospital. She is feeling better and on the road to recovery. I am hoping she will be up to visiting the girls by early next week. She is going to be in for a great surprise when she sees how much they have grown.
The girls all gained weight and they now weigh
Ellie 3lb 6oz.
Carmina 2lb 7oz.
Gabriella 2lb 13oz.
They are all off their oxygen, Carmina and Gabriella have had their PIC lines removed. HOUSTON... These girls are really taking off!!!!!
Can you sense a bit of giddiness?
Election day is almost here. My dad is running for County Commissioner and I am so proud of his dedication to our community. More than that he is a great man with incedible integrity. I know that quite a few people can't wait for the elections to be over but I honestly have to say I enjoy it. I like watching the debates as it makes me really think about how I feel about certain issues. I certainly like the gas price dropping. I love the anticipation of the day and staying up until late to see who won. I love knowing that I have the right to vote and always exercise that right. Call me odd but I do love it.
Halloween is almost here. The girls have little preemie onesie costumes. Our good friend Miranda surprised us with them and Joe went out and got them one too. So we will be taking our first Halloween pictures Wednesday. Colin has decided that he is to old to dress up for the festivities. I'm a little saddened. I have such fond memories of childhood Halloween celebrations. Dressing up, haunted hayrides, parties at the Abrechts, candy apples, warm apple cider. I really could go on and on. Maybe he will change his mind if not I will have 3 adorable little girls next year to help me change his mind!

Sisters

Above: Ellie sleeping in her favorite position
Below: Brittni holding Gabriella me holding Carmina
Ellie's wires wouldn't reach so we will have to
wait to get us all in the same photo

Below: Brit & Gabriella

Yesterday I went to see the girls and my oldest daughter drove three hours to visit her sisters and I. That in itself means so much to me.
If you have never had a child in the hospital NICU here is a short version of what it is like. You wash your hands like a surgeon does before surgery, you attempt touching nothing until you get to touch your child through two little holes in their isolette. Depending on the status of your child you may or may not get to hold them. We are so fortunate that we do and it is usually for at least an hour at a time now once to twice a day. I am telling you this because Brittni is an 18 yr. old college student that also has a lot going on in her life. She makes the time to drive 3 hours to maybe get to touch her sisters hands for an hour. Then she drives back 3 hours. This act of love from her brings me to tears.
She did get to hold Gabriella yesterday for an hour!!!
I was sitting there holding Carmina and looking at all my daughters right there beside me. If someone told me even 6 months ago I would have 4 daughters I would have never believed it. I may have even freaked out a bit!!! Oh the drama that may fill our house.
I have three sisters: Krista, Kari and Keli. We are all close and I pray my girls have the relationship with each other I have with my sisters. They are even luckier, they have a brother that is protective, loving and will always make them laugh.
Brittni came home with me that night, we had a girls night. I hope she knows how good it was to spend time with her. I miss you Brittni. Thank you for loving your sisters like you do. They are blessed to have you.

Above: Daddy and Ellie
Below : Carmina on left Gabriella on the right

Above: Mommy holding Gabriella

Below: holding Carmina & Gabriella for the first time together

Yesterday was an emotional day for us on so many levels.
I hadn't seen the girls for 7 days because of being sick and the last two because I wanted to be with my mom to make sure she received the care she needed.
Our story came out in the news and exploded. Somehow the Cleveland Plain Dealer got wind of it and took the info off our blog and the pictures and wrote an article and published it. I do realize that I made this blog public. I do realize people have and believe 100% in the freedom of speach. I do however wish I had been warned that it would be written and put out there for everyone to see so I could prepare my children, myself, my family.
When I started blogging it was first for our friends and family that live out of state or just to far to keep in daily contact with us and what is going on in our lives. It also became a way for me to visit all the feelings I had bottled up inside of me. It became therapy. Alot happened to us, our family the past two years.
I also wanted my children to know how important they all are to us. I wanted them to read my feelings and know that they are loved beyond belief. I wanted them to know why we chose to do things the way we did.Teenagers don't always listen to us parents until they get older and have more life experiences. Especially as they begin to have children of their own they start seeing us; their parents in themselves and it sinks in a little that maybe my parents did know a thing or two. They can read this then with the maturity they will have gained and remember more clearly what happened our lives. For the baby girls they will have their birth story to read. They will know how much they were wanted not only by us but by their entire family. They will know they had a grandma that was willing to put her life on hold for two years to make them a reality.

We have been flooded with such amazing, positive responses. I thank all of you that have sent your blessings and prayers and general well wishes. I do read every email although I can't respond to everyone yet.

We also have received some not so positive remarks but they are few. As I write this part I am not even sure I will keep it in. I so badly want to stand up and defend our decision to do what we chose to do. I am a mommy lion that becomes enraged when her family is threatened. I can't help it. There are a few things I would like to clarify but feel like I shouldn't have to. Obviously they haven't read everything or they wouldn't make these judgements. I do feel the need to bring up some things.
For all the people that have judged us for not adopting you can adopt if you are able to get a child. We tried. We tried more than once and had our hearts broken. Actually that would be quite the understatement. Everytime we got our hopes up and thought there was a chance that a certain child, a baby would be coming to us we began to love them. We opened our hearts, prepared a nursery talked as if they were ours. We prayed for them, our children became involved and planned on them being a part of our family. When it didn't happen, more than once, after several years and our hearts were broken we decided to start looking internationally. That is when Mom decided to become our surrogate. She didn't want to see her daughters heart broken anymore. She thought she could take it upon herself to give us what we so badly wanted. She succeeded.
Several people have been downright rude and disgusting. We did not return any child because we wanted our own. We are not to good to have adopted as that was our intention first to adopt. We were running out of money trying to adopt because it is not cheap. So please don't ever assume these things about us. We would have loved any child from wherever, and however they came to us.
The second and last point I would like to make and I can't believe I have to is that the children are biologically mine and my husband Joe's.

I also thought I should stop writing or maybe make it private because of the amount of people reading. I remember at the beginning of our long journey I read other peoples stories and it helped us. It gave us ideas, it inspired me, it made me cry, love and sometimes get a touch of reality.
I am going to continue to write and keep it public.

I may even update you all later about the babies :). Maybe I will even put on some more pictures. I did see them yesterday. I held them for hours and two of the girls got to be together again side by side in my arms. Pure joy!
I am off to see my mom and visit the girls again.

Above: Brittni looking at Gabriella
Below: Carmina sleeping

Above: Gabriella a week old

Below: Ellie smiling in her sleep

I know we haven't been able to update for 10 days but we have been a little busy. I did receive all your requests to give you some baby info and tired as I am, here goes....

I got a pretty nasty cold last Sunday. I had to stay away from the NICU because any infection could be life threatening to premature babies. I haven't been able to go back in to see them yet. My dr. told me to wait until Friday. It has been terrible and I feel guilty for not being in there. Joe stayed until Wednesday and kept me updated. He kept me updated with lots of pictures. I will be going to the hospital tomorrow and I can't wait. I feel like a kid on Christmas eve. :)

Mom had to have surgery this afternoon. She had a complication from the c-section. It had nothing to do with the pregnancy at all. This could happen with any abdominal surgery. She is going to be in the hospital until Tuesday. I know several of you emailed me asking where to send cards or flowers and you can either send to the hospital or email me and I will give your our address. kcoseno@zoominternet.net We will make sure she gets them. She is at a hospital an hour and a half away from the babies so please understand that updates may not be like they were. We are running between visiting her and the girls.

All girls are gaining weight, doing well with their tube feeding. They tried to bottle feed Gabriella today but she just didn't understand it yet. I am so sad I missed it! Hopefully they try again for me tomorrow. They also took them off their oxygen. Gabriella needed it agin but they assured us it is perfectly normal. Ellie's heart murmur seems to have closed. That itself is a blessing. They are having less apneas and bradycardias. These are also normal for premature babies.

They are doing well and I will share pictures first thing in the morning. I am just to tired tonight to put them on tonight.

Brittni and Colin both got to see their new sisters. They were both sick the day of delivery. I think they are in love with the girls as much as we are. Brit & colin have been very protective of the girls and their grandma the last two weeks. I am so proud of them.

I can't keep my eyes open so tomorrow I will catch you up even more. Thank you again to everyone that has been so kind to us. We have received a couple gas cards and gift cert. to eat out. They have been so appreciated. We are going through so much with hotel costs, gas and eating out. We thank you!! All our love.

Left: Grandma holding Gabriella
Below: Carmina right after birth



Above: Gabriella evening after birth
Below: Ellie evening after birth

Above: Mommy & Ellie

Below: Daddy & Carmina

Our daughters have been here for 48 hours now and our lives have been forever changed. Our hearts are full now.



My need to be a mommy again has been with me for so many years and I kept carefully guarded those feelings of emptyness and deep sadness for such a long time. In each moment that I saw the girls for the first time everything broken inside of me healed. I can't seem to stop the tears of joy. Anyone that knows me knows I hardly ever cry and I don't think 20 minutes have gone by without tears.



My happiness wouldn't be this abundant without my mom. My girls wouldn't be alive and the dream of having a child with Joe would be just that, a dream. He would never have had a biological child. She has given the ultimate gift of life to us. Times three. How do I even begin to thank her enough. This has weighed on me for the last couple months as the largeness of what she has done has become real to us. I have realized that I will never even come close to telling her just how deep my love, admiration and gratefulness for her is. I will however live everyday of my life as a mother showing her these things in the way I raise my children. She taught me and continues to teach me that a mothers love is the most unselfish, fiercest love there is.

I got to hold Ellie yesterday. I am not sure I can put in to words my feelings because they are so strong everytime I think of the moment. The nurse handed her to me on my bare chest. I felt her skin against mine and I knew that this little girl was mine, she was meant to be mine. I had waited 36 years to meet her and it was well worth the wait. She was crying when they handed her to me and instantly she calmed and settled in to my chest. I felt her heart beating and her breathing movements against mine. Holding my child is truly the greatest feeling I have ever had in my life. I could have held her like that forever but I only had about 25 minutes before they took her back. It is a moment that I will keep with me for the rest of my entire life.

I need to get back to the girls but have more to tell everyone so I will update later today!

Triplets Birth Day!!!

Our triplets arrived this morning.
Elizabeth Jacilyn at 7:37 She weighed 2lb.14 1/2 oz. 15" long. She was born crying.
Carmina Ann at 7:38 She weighed 2lb. and is 14"long.
Gabriella Claire at 7:39 She weighed 2lb 9oz. and is 14 1/2" long.
Carmina was the only one who didn't have to go on a ventilator. She has been on room temp. She looks like a little old man. She gives us all a serious look and wrinkles her forehead. She holds our finger pretty tight. She opens her eyes for short periods and is doing excellent. She has dark brown wavy hair. She also has a dimple in her chin like her daddy.
Gabriella looks exactly like her identical sister Carmina but is bigger and a bit more filled out. She also has a dimple in her chin like her daddy. They both really do resemble him more.
Ellie has straight blond hair, her nose looks like her sisters. She has big eyes like her daddy. I think I am in trouble with this one. I am such a sucker for those big eyes of her dad's. She was the last one to come off the vent tonight.
We are filled with so many emotions right now and have fallen in love instantly the second we saw them.
We were blessed to have our family here and have so much support.
I can't even begin to describe the profoundly deep love and gratefulness I have for my mom. She has blessed us with 3 brand new lives. Our hearts are filled with love.
We will write more later to update everyone but we are going to check on the girls and sleep for a bit.
Thank you everyone that was here for us in everyway. All of you helped us get through this day.

Babies!!!

Our baby girls are going to be delivered tomorrow at 7am. They are only 31 weeks. Carmina is struggling to get any blood flow or nutrients and is much safer growing on the outside now then the inside. Grandma was an incredible "baby cooker" and nothing she did had any bearing on how this affected Carmina. She shares a placenta and is just not getting enough to sustain life on the inside. We have put this in Gods and Dr. Kiwi's hands now and I know they will take very good care of our girls. Please pray for the safe delivery tomorrow and a healthy recovery for mom. We will update in the next couple days.
I guess the painting is off this weekend!! :)

31 week update

This has been a busy week so far for baby news and other happenings around the Coseno house. So many people have called us this week offering support and just a call to bring us back to sanity. We are so thankful for all our family and friends.

I will start with the baby news before anything else because I know that is really what everyone wants to hear about!!!
We had a Dr. visit on Wednesday morning and followed it with a detailed ultrasound. Dr. Kiwi wanted to do a fetal fibronectin test to determine if mom was possibly going into labor within two weeks. A negative fetal fibronectin test gives a more than 95% likelihood of remaining undelivered for the next 2 weeks. On the other hand, a positive fetal fibronectin test indicates a higher risk of preterm delivery (61% of delivery before 34 weeks)[3]. So, the fetal fibronectin test can't tell you for sure that you are in labor, but it can tell you that you're not. Her test was positive. We also found out during the ultrasound that Carmina one of the identicals is not getting enough nutrients and her weight has dropped to the 10th percentile. She did pass her biophysical profile which is great. Dr. Kiwi was very concerned with all the combined info and sent us straight over to the hospital for a dose of steroid injections to develop lung function in the babies. Also to monitor her for contractions. We found out that she was having major contractions every 5 minutes and a bunch of little contractions in between. They started Mom on a medication called procardia to lessen contractions. She has to take the medication every six hours. They also scheduled us to come back in 24 hours to be monitored again and get a second dose of steroids. We were completely exhausted by the time we got back home and I felt so bad because I could tell it had really wiped mom out.
Thursday we left the house at 2:00 and didn't get home until 8pm. The girls heart rates all look good on the monitor thank God. They had a really hard time keeping track of them all and mom didn't feel good at all. If she lays on her back to long she gets very sick and feels like she will pass out.
Today we are going back to beachwood for another biophysical profile on Carmina. It really makes for a long day driving an hour and a half one way to the dr. then sitting for multiple hours. I would rather be safe than sorry though and we know we are in the best hands there.
Dr. Kiwi told us on Wednesday that if Carmina doesn't grow we will be delivering. He would like to get us to 32 weeks which is Oct. 18th Uncle Rick Riegers and Uncle John Zieglers birthday. AND only 8 days from now. It seems so unreal to us. We thought for sure we had another 5 weeks. So much for my well planned schedule!
I will update with pictures tonight.

For our other news we moved!!!! We had to downsize our house payment and move to a practical house that made more sense with three babies. We did it in 3 days and are exhausted. We packed, loaded it up, unpacked and even decorated a bit. Three 20 hour days some help from family and we are so happy to be in our new house. Did I mention that we just moved last Nov.? I am surprised anyone volunteered Oh wait they didn't... I think they were guilted into it.....:) The stress we were feeling has been lightened so much. This weekend we are going to paint the nursery and the kitchen. If there are any bored people please feel free to stop over and pick up a paint brush.... I feel the pressure to get it finished this weekend because I obviously can toss out my schedule these babies now are going to come when they decide not me!
I need to get ready now to go again to beachwood and I will update later tonight.
One more thing Brittni is coming home on Sunday to spend the day with us she would love to see everyone and we can't wait to see her!!!!! We will be hanging out painting and finishing the house so please feel free to drop in, bring yummy food, pick up a paint brush......... :)Did I mention yummy food???????.......