So we have reached the week of viability for the babies. This in itself is a big milestone. Granted they would probably have lifetime long-term effects if born today. For some reason I am panicked even more now that it is upon us trying to decide what I would want if they were born this early. I know that might sound terrible to some but I have seen the effect of extreme prematurity and cannot imagine how terrible making that choice would be. I do not want my children to suffer their entire life. Joe and I had agreed that no artificial means of sustaining life at this stage would be used. I don't think that in the height of that emotional moment we could say "Don't do everything you can for our daughters". I am sure at that moment I would want every chance at life given to them and take whatever comes with that decision. Such a contradiction I know but this is the craziness going on in my mind. All we can do at this point is continue praying that God graces us with health for our girls and mom.
We had another detailed ultrasound on Wednesday. The above profile picture is of Ellie baby A. She weighs approx. 1lb. 10oz. Gabriella and Carmina both weight approx. 1lb. 6oz. They wouldn't show us a good profile pic those ornery two girls. We are so excited to see that they are all growing equally. Gabriella and Carmina share a placenta and are at risk for Twin to Twin transfusion. They are watching them especially close now to make sure they are "sharing" nutrients with each other. Our next detailed ultrasound and OB apt. is in three weeks. Every week we can keep the babies in means less time they will spend in the hospital.
We took Brittni to college..... I am still recovering from the emotional trauma. Yes, I am being dramatic but only a tiny bit. She is two hours away but it might as well be 2000 miles away. I feel like she has started a life that I am not part of anymore. I know this is the way it is suppose to be but.. I'm just not ready! As I said goodbye and could feel her pushing me out the door I wanted to snatch her back and hold on, smell her hair, feel her heart beat for just a few more moments. I felt like she was still my little girl until I let go. How good she felt in my arms and if only I could rewind the clock 18 years to when it was she that held on to me for dear life. My heart was ripping into pieces and I could feel the tears beginning to form. I reluctantly let go (OK really I was pushed away :))and held back the tears until I waved goodbye for the last time and turned around. The rest of the day and this week the tears have shown up often. It has gotten easier though. She comes home in two weeks to visit and I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. waiting for Santa to come.
Colin had his first football game and they won 15 to 0!!! He plays tight end and nose guard. I see the effort he puts into everything he does even when it doesn't come easy for him. Unfortunately for him one of his parents "me" wasn't born with natural athletic ability. This year he has really improved because of his hard work. He started 8Th grade and that too seems like it couldn't possibly be true. It feels like I've only blinked and he has grown in that instant.
Why don't they tell us when our babies are born how fast it will go. They should tell us how important it is to take every moment in and cherish it because it goes by so fast. I feel so blessed that I am being given this chance to start over. I not saying I am so much wiser now than the young mother I was then, but I have learned some very important things in the last 18 years. Even though the days are going to be long and tiring, they will pass by quicker than I want them to, so I will not wish them by faster.I will relish every request for one more kiss or hug, one more story, stopping to watch the butterflies even when I'm in a hurry. Because soon enough time will repeat itself and I will be holding on to them wishing for one more minute of their childhood and they will be pushing me out the door as I leave them at college.
We had another detailed ultrasound on Wednesday. The above profile picture is of Ellie baby A. She weighs approx. 1lb. 10oz. Gabriella and Carmina both weight approx. 1lb. 6oz. They wouldn't show us a good profile pic those ornery two girls. We are so excited to see that they are all growing equally. Gabriella and Carmina share a placenta and are at risk for Twin to Twin transfusion. They are watching them especially close now to make sure they are "sharing" nutrients with each other. Our next detailed ultrasound and OB apt. is in three weeks. Every week we can keep the babies in means less time they will spend in the hospital.
We took Brittni to college..... I am still recovering from the emotional trauma. Yes, I am being dramatic but only a tiny bit. She is two hours away but it might as well be 2000 miles away. I feel like she has started a life that I am not part of anymore. I know this is the way it is suppose to be but.. I'm just not ready! As I said goodbye and could feel her pushing me out the door I wanted to snatch her back and hold on, smell her hair, feel her heart beat for just a few more moments. I felt like she was still my little girl until I let go. How good she felt in my arms and if only I could rewind the clock 18 years to when it was she that held on to me for dear life. My heart was ripping into pieces and I could feel the tears beginning to form. I reluctantly let go (OK really I was pushed away :))and held back the tears until I waved goodbye for the last time and turned around. The rest of the day and this week the tears have shown up often. It has gotten easier though. She comes home in two weeks to visit and I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. waiting for Santa to come.
Colin had his first football game and they won 15 to 0!!! He plays tight end and nose guard. I see the effort he puts into everything he does even when it doesn't come easy for him. Unfortunately for him one of his parents "me" wasn't born with natural athletic ability. This year he has really improved because of his hard work. He started 8Th grade and that too seems like it couldn't possibly be true. It feels like I've only blinked and he has grown in that instant.
Why don't they tell us when our babies are born how fast it will go. They should tell us how important it is to take every moment in and cherish it because it goes by so fast. I feel so blessed that I am being given this chance to start over. I not saying I am so much wiser now than the young mother I was then, but I have learned some very important things in the last 18 years. Even though the days are going to be long and tiring, they will pass by quicker than I want them to, so I will not wish them by faster.I will relish every request for one more kiss or hug, one more story, stopping to watch the butterflies even when I'm in a hurry. Because soon enough time will repeat itself and I will be holding on to them wishing for one more minute of their childhood and they will be pushing me out the door as I leave them at college.
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